Why Does It Feel As Such? With That Implied Ownership Comes Control.
As perfect strangers you can be and do anything you want to be. No one telling you otherwise. If you want to go larping on the weekend you can, if you want to shave your head, or grow a long beard, you can. But often when you tell someone you’re MY girlfriend or MY boyfriend. Most people treat it like their significant other just became their possessions. Acting as if they have the deed on this fictitious implied ownership over them.
This sweet sentiment we say. Seems to give us the right to now tell them what they can and can not do. How they have to live their life in order to assimilate with ours.
And with that implied ownership, you may begin to manipulate and mold them into the vision you see fit for partnership. Neglecting, albeit sometimes outright destroying their authenticity in the process. Sure this may sometimes produce a better human than what came before. But it’s not someones place to force change upon another. Why can’t we accept the people we choose for who they are, no stipulations. You be you and I’ll be me. And together we’ll just be.
We Don’t Put These Limitations Or Restrictions Upon Friends.
So why do it to our significant other? When these are the people that should be our best friends in the end.
Offer suggestions for betterment but don’t put restrictions that come with punishment if they don’t meet your vision. Don’t date in the first place if you can’t handle who that person is.
Assumption Of Desires.
Another big problem we face when people want change from us. Is we begin to assume other things they might need us to change about ourselves. That we might not living up to. When this happens your partner has just given you the gift of being self conscious about your actions.
We make attempts to change but it could be in the wrong direction. We could end up completely off the mark. That’s what happens when a partner doesn’t accept you as is. You are left in the hamster wheel chasing possible dead ends.
Communication is really the only way to avoid this. And sometimes it can’t be avoided. Communication might put you dead in it’s tracks. But at least you won’t be assuming.
We Almost All Do This.
Some want change, while others want to stay the same. It’s not one side or the other, it’s both sides. Why? Even as we grow with someone, desires will continue to change. No matter the change we should always continue to accept the people in our lives as is. Flaws and beauty in all. And if that isn’t the case, walk away.
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